Most men find that they grieve differently from women. Sometimes, men aren’t even given a chance to grieve at all because they are expected to “be strong” and to take care of everyone else. Other men may feel they didn’t have the same connection to the pregnancy and the baby that the moms did and therefore find it difficult to understand what she is feeling. It can be frustrating when there is nothing you can do to “fix” the sadness or to make yourself or anyone else feel better. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. The important thing is that you acknowledge your feelings, whatever they are, and that you have an opportunity to express and share those feelings.
Recommended Reading
(some of these may be available from our lending library)
A Guide for Father's: When a Baby Dies (Nelson)
Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing (Golden)
A Man You Know is Grieving: 12 Ideas for Helping Him Heal From Loss (Golden)
After the Death of a Child (Finkbeiner)
Healing a Father's Grief (Schatz)
When Bad Things Happen to Good People (Kushner)
Parenthood Lost: Healing the Pain After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death (Berman)
When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently & How You Can Help (Levang)
Miscarriage: A Man's Book (Wheat)
Heartworks (Petersen)
Strong and Tender - A Guide for the Father Whose Baby Has Died (Schwiebert)
Miscarriages Hurt Men, Too (Burdon)
Stillborn: The Invisible Death (Defrain and Martens)
Suggested Websites
Tim Nelson's Blog: http://fathersgrievinginfantloss.blogspot.com/
Tim and his wife Monica experienced the full-term stillbirth of their second child, Kathleen. While that was a number of years ago, Tim has stayed connected to the issue through his writing and speaking on the topic of father's grief. He, like many men, had trouble talking about his feelings after his daughter's death. His blog is a place for dads to share their thoughts about what they are experiencing and to find support from other dads. Tim is also the author of A Guide for Father's: When a Baby Dies.
David Hansen: I Hate This Blog (A Blog Without the Baby)
Hansen wrote I Hate This (A Play Without the Baby). It's a solo performance that takes you from the moment his son was born and through the year that follows . . . but not in that order. It's "an honest, horrible, and even humorous trip through one father's experience with stillbirth."
M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death)
This Christian, non-profit organization reaches out to families who have suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death. This link takes you to their section for grieving fathers: www.mend.org/newsletters/vol3iss1.htm
Webhealing.com:
Since 1995, webhealing.com has been an interactive website for the bereaved, offering discussion boards for men and women, articles, links, and memorial pages. Tom Golden originated this site. He is an internationally known psychotherapist, author, and speaker on the topic of healing from loss. You can read excerpts from his books on this site. His books include Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing and A Man You Know is Grieving: 12 Ideas for Helping Him Heal From Loss.