Grandparents and Grief Many grandparents feel they are the "forgotten grievers" because their grief is  not acknowledged. The focus may be on the parents of the baby who died. Others may not recognize that you are a grandparent if the baby died before birth. Sometimes, your children (the parents of your grandchild) may look to you for answers, support, and to assist with other children or making funeral arrangements. You may feel the need to be "strong" by hiding your emotions and grief from your children and your other grandchildren. Some grandparents say that they felt left out when their grandchild died because they lived in another state or were not invited to see and hold their grandchild who passed away. There are several websites and books that may provide support to you and assist you as you deal with your own grief and that of your children. - There is a website specifically for grandparents called AGAST (An Alliance of Grandparents, A Support in Tragedy). Their website is www.agast.org. Grandparents are able to order a complimentary packet, receive newsletters, and obtain other resources and support information.
- The Northside Hospital Perinatal Loss Office offers a support group called Relatively Speaking that grandparents and other adult family members are welcome to attend. See our calendar for upcoming dates and times.
- Forgotten Tears: A Grandmother's Journey Through Grief is a wonderful book written by Nina Bennett. It is a must-read for anyone who has had a loss or knows someone who has had a loss! It is not only the touching story surrounding the stillbirth of Bennett's granddaughter, but it also validates grandparents as grievers, discusses the process of redefining "normal" after the death of a grandchild, and touches on the complexity of being a grieving grandparent and a "strong" parent to your children who are suffering the loss of their child. This book is not only helpful for grandparents to read, but it is also extremely enlightening for parents, aunts, uncles, other relatives, friends, healthcare providers, and clergy.
www.geocities.com/Heartland/Ranch/8207/grandma.html
www.compassionatefriends.org/Brochures/grandch.htm
www.healingheart.net/a_grieving_grandparent.htm
sids-network.org/grandparent_grief.htm
sids-network.org/grandparents_web_site.htm Sixteen Times
A Tribute from GranMoo to Kellan Victoria
I had a little granddaughter, and though she lived but four short days,
She won my heart forever with her soft and gentle ways.
My son, her loving father, oh how hard it had to be
To lose a child so instantly. Last night he said to me:
“Sixteen times I got to see her. Sixteen times I got to say,
‘Daddy’s here now and I love you,’ and I said it every day.
Sixteen times she held my finger. Sixteen times she held it tight.
On the night that she was born, the stars were shining bright.”
Though she was a little fighter and a whole lot like her Dad,
In the end, it cost her all the strength her little body had.
My faithful son never gave up on his precious little one,
For he believed in God’s great power, that this battle would be won.
“Sixteen times I got to see her. Sixteen times I got to say
‘Daddy’s here now and I love you,’ and I said it every day.
Sixteen times she held my finger. Sixteen times she held it tight.
I believed within my soul of souls that she would be all right.”
So, I never saw it coming; four days passed us by in a whirl,
And one day, I had a granddaughter, and the next, no baby girl.
The loss was overwhelming, but I broke through from my haze
When my son said, “Mom, I was lucky. I had Kellan for four whole days!”
“Sixteen times I got to see her. Sixteen times I got to say
‘Daddy’s here now and I love you,’ and I said it every day.
Sixteen times she held my finger. Sixteen times she held it tight.
And I know she’s found her home at last in God’s throne room tonight.”
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